I've decided it's a very odd feeling to send naked pictures half way across the world.
I've just spent the last 5 minutes 'posing' with my shirt off to provide pictorial material to my will-be surgeon. Arms up, arms down, left side, right side.. click, click, click-click. It's incredibly weird and obviously becoming a porn-star is not a potential career path for me.
Part of me wonders when being able to wander around (outside of the house) without a shirt on won't feel like an alien experience. What it's going to feel like for the first time laying on a beach (with 4 tonnes of sunscreen) without a shirt on, swimming without a shirt on, running.. the list goes on.
On reflection, at least my dysphoria level is such that I can actually *be* without a shirt in front of Mel.. irregardless of the other issues I deal with. I've read quite a lot of material to date where guys are physically unable to actually be naked with their partners and one particular case of a woman who has been with her man for 8 years. She, as I'm sure he, is very much looking forward to seeing his chest for the first time after his upcoming operation.
I thought I'd link it for you because it's incredibly powerful: TMates FTM
Can you imagine being in her position?
It's less than 2 days now before I visit the Endocrinology unit, and it turns out that the physical changes from the T might actually start to take place faster than I expected. (Beard, voice.. etc.) With this in mind it means that I'll have to have a conversation with the owner of the company I work for somewhat sooner than I expected. Considering that he has no idea what is about to happen/what's going on with me, or even what GID actually is, this will obviously go 1 of 2 ways.
Things would obviously be easier if the general public was well educated about GID, and what it actually means when someone suffers with it. As a people we're getting there with things like racism and homosexuality, but if you walked up to the average person in the street and asked them to define GID - you'd more than likely be met with a blank look.
So, my workload in talking to people about what I experience is doubled - not only do I have to express my own side of things, I also at the same time have to educate them about GID which they then have to understand and personally take onboard.
Fortunately to date I haven't hit someone who has run screaming from the discussion, and that's comforting. Mostly I'm met with a genuine dose of confusion which is something I can work with.
I'm not looking forward to the day when I experience the other side of the coin.
First blog post
8 years ago
2 comments:
I'm very glad that your dysphoria isn't at that high level too. I know in the beginning it took a while for you to get as comfortable as I was, but I love that around each other we're happy to be what we are. I'll be ecstatic when you're comfortable all the time in front of others...can't wait for that first shirt off in public day!
I'm wondering what the difference is with other FTMs. I'm sure it's different with everyone, but I'm curious if it's more common from FTMs not to take their shirt off in front of their partners.
You know, I don't think I know anyone who is MTF (that they've told me), but I know a lot of FTM or FTN (neutral). The FTM and FTN people I know are always very self-conscious of their boobs, and the ones whose sex lives I have any knowledge of experience great discomfort at exposing their boobs to their partners.
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