Did I mention that it's freezing? Well, it's just started to spit rain too, and Mel's on the way back to pick me up from her trip to the bookstore. I'm still standing outside on a sidewalk that seemed to look different than it did an hour and twenty minutes ago.
Bunched in my left hand is the paperwork that Dr Toohey left me with, including the phone number of Dr Ann Conway's private offices - the Endocronlogist I need to go and see about getting hooked up with for my T injections to commence. I notice that I'm kind of staring dumbly down at them while a new set of people rush around me.
I shake my head and snap out of it, realising there's absolutely nothing stopping me now from taking the next step as fast as humanly possible. I can book an appointment with Ann right here, right now. I hurry over to a deserted bus stop seat and plunk my backpack down, pulling out my iPhone and punching her number in.
A bewildered woman answers my call and there's an instant chill in my gut.
"Uh.. Hello there? Who are you looking for?"
I swallow. This is definitely not how I expected it to go. Then my years of dealing with clients via phone kicks in and I'm on auto-pilot.
"Hello there. My name is Nye and I'm looking to speak with a Dr Ann Conway. Is she available?"
The words roll off my tongue so smoothly, several octaves above the tone presented to the cafe owner less than two hours ago. It seems to do the trick.
"Oh, sorry, I'm a little flustered here at the moment. We're packing up the office and moving into a new premises tomorrow and it's a bit chaotic."
I insert a well practiced chuckle here, letting her know I understand exactly where she's coming from. Then the bomb hits.
"Oh, sorry, yes, Dr Ann Conway retired last year, she's not seeing any patients."
Everything stops. It feels like I've been punched in the gut. I hear something on the other end of the phoneline and then snap back into listening again.
".... and I can refer you to another of our doctors, he's very good and has taken over a lot of Ann's previous patients? Hang on, let me get you his details.."
I hear a ruffling of paper and perhaps a box getting knocked over. I cough to get her attention as my brain grinds back into gear.
"Sorry.. just a quick moment.. is the gentleman you're suggesting.. does he have experience with GID patients?"
The rustling on the other end of the line stops. I can almost hear her head tilt.
"I didn't quite catch that.. does he have experience with what?"
I restrain a very audible, very long exhale. Please god don't tell me I'm going to have to go through this again.
"Does he have experience with GID patients. I have GID and I've just been cleared to see someone like Ann to start my testosterone treatment."
It's almost like a bolt of lightening strikes her from high.
"Ooooohhhh.. I understand.. no, he doesn't have experience with that. You need to talk to the people at the Concord Andrology unit. They'll be able to help you.. I've got the number around here somewhere...." More rustling ensues.
At this stage I'm rapidly scrambling to get my computer out of my pack with the phone jammed to the side of my head, cursing internally at the spitting rain and praying that Job's made this thing more waterproof than the last model.
"Okay.. here we go.." She reads the number out to me and I punch it dutifully in, thank her for her time and then get straight back on the phone with my new piece to the puzzle.
Leo answers. Wonderful, wonderful Leo.
Let me talk about Leo for a moment before I go on. A friend of mine who is also going through transition mentioned that Leo from the unit would be the best person to talk to about finding a GP etc, finding support groups, and just generally helping me find health care professionals who will treat me like a human being. I stored the name away when I heard it and thought no more about it until he picked up the phone.
"Hi there, my name is Leo, how can I help you?"
He's got a very gentle speaking manner and relief floods my voice as I recognise the name.
"Hi Leo, my name is Nye and I'd like to make an appointment to see a doctor at the clinic.. I have GID and I've just been passed to commence treatment."
Leo doesn't skip a beat, and there's a genuine smile behind his words.
"That won't be a problem at all, do you know who you would like to see?"
I explain that I'd been referred to Dr Ann Conway's private practice but she was gone, so I was somewhat in the dark and looking for recommendations. (Translated: Help - I'm lost!)
"Dr Conway? She still treats with us, even though she's retired from private practice and is currently training a new doctor to take over her work in the GID field, there'll be no issue seeing her through the clinic."
Ever had the feeling where you've wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time?
"That's brilliant, how soon can I see her?"
Leo asks if I have my referral letter from Dr Toohey, and then, very very carefully adds the following question.
"I just want to check because I have to get this right on the paperwork the first time - you were born a physical female?"
Just his care alone makes me feel, for the first time in a very long time, accepted. Finally in line with someone who's going to look after me. Rhian was spot on with recommending this guy. The fact that he added 'physically' in there just said it all.
I give him the affirmative and he scans the calender.
"The first I can fit you in will be the 17th.. how does that work?"
I let him know that's no good as I'll be in Brisbane for the coming week.
"Okay then.. let's have another look here.. how does the 24th work? Say 3pm?"
That works freaking great! I'm there! Sporting bells, whistles and any other noise making attachments I can find! He locks it in and then spends a little more time with me being conversational.
"You know, it's quite funny and I have to ask, how on earth did you find out about us? We don't advertise and yet we have at least one new case a fortnight who is in exactly the same situation that you are."
And there it is again.. it's not a problem.. it's not an issue.. it's a 'situation'.. something I can't control, something that is happening TO ME.. but can get some help resolving.
I explain to him that not only had Dr Toohey directed me across to the clinic, but I'd had excellent feedback from the general online community about the work being done there. There's a genuine smile of appreciation behind the phoneline that I can hear now.
"Ahh.. well, that's good then, I'm glad we're helping. But it is still very funny - we're actually a male fertility clinic by trade."
I laugh with him at that one, the irony is heavy and it washes away all the tension of the last few days. I thank him again and hang up the phone, pack all my kit away and get out of the rain as Mel circles the block one more time before coming to collect me.
Step 3. Done. Roll on the 24th.
First blog post
8 years ago
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